Why you made me?

About five or six months ago, Myla blew my mind one night by asking "Why you made me?"

Holy shit! I thought. The "why's" aren't supposed to come until she's at least four, and she is really picking a doozy here. I was so proud of her - her little mind is so sharp already. She doesn't even know it, but she's already asking one of the most important questions of all.

It kind of caught me off guard, but it didn't take long for me to come up with a good answer.

Mommy and Daddy were lonely, I told her, and we needed someone to make us a family. We wanted someone to love and to snuggle.

She seemed to like that answer, and I was really happy with it, too.

Walking out of her room, I was on a huge emotional high - how often do you get a chance to tell your daughter something like this? I want her to know how much she is wanted and loved, and she gave me the perfect opportunity to tell her exactly that. I felt so honored that she'd asked me, and no one else, this question.

Like every dad, I struggled with the decision to have a child. Biological imperative on the part of my wife, Carrie, played a HUGE role in our decision. I felt to some extent like I needed to bow to my wife's wishes (or her body's wishes).

Also, as a risk-averse person, it was very hard for me to make the huge commitment bringing a child into the world represents. I worried that it might be a mistake for me. Maybe I'd be happier never having a kid. Maybe I would come to resent the enormous expenditure of time, energy, and money required by a kid. And, wow, once you have that kid, you are stuck for a loooong time!

It turned out that the first 18 months or so really were difficult. I think they are hard for most new dads - you lose your wife in many ways, and you also pick up the biggest commitment of your life. And babies sure are needy! Take, take, take, that's all they can do for a long time. Carrie has a photo book with about 10 pictures of me sleeping on the couch, with Myla sleeping on my chest. Those are my favorite memories of her as an infant. Those times seemed like the only ones where I could receive something back from her - the gift of closeness to another person.

I am just not a baby person - I don't like babies. I made an exception for Myla.

And that is OK.

A mentor of mine once told me that kids just get better and better every year.

And, Myla really has been wonderful since around 18 months. Once she started walking, talking, and playing, she has just become more and more fun, interesting, and rewarding to be around.

And, it has been easier and easier for me to be glad about the decision to have her in the first place.

So, when she did ask at the ripe old age of 3 1/2, I could honestly tell her how happy I was to have her come along and make us a family, and give us someone to love and snuggle.